WHY WHY WHY Are England so Boring to Watch???????

In case you had not picked up on this, I love football! Its allure is like the third page of the sun paper, not that I ever buy that rag. A study, test or somet was carried out, it realised that the reading age the sun is aimed at is that of a primary school student. And you know that primary education in the land of Willie Shakespear, Willie Wordsworth and other such literate luminaries is now so poor that kids in holland have a better grasp of this language than our own. So it is a paper aimed at grown ups with the reading age of badly educated primary school children.....

I suppose that means its aimed at retards.....

But the primal force that is page three will never die! (for those of you who dont live in the UK, it has a picture of a topless women on it EVERYDAY!!!!!!)

It is primal forces that drive football. Aggression, Skill, Guile, the basic need to suceed! But, I do get to the point eventually, its just not the same when watching England play! Sven and his hapless sidekick, Steve Mclaren a.k.a Mclown, took the most promising group of players we had produced since...... well the last most promising group since.... and slowly turned them into. Err.... I dont know. Well the players he had(Sven) had talent, especially the united players. For those of you who know football, a really telling statistic was that Paul Scholes, the Ginja Ninja. did not score for 25 games in an England shirt! A wonderfuly gifted passer, quick feet and as natural a finisher as you would find in any front line and all from midfield. Sven reduced this talent to retirement. Long Balls played up for Big Emile Heskey(I blame Sven and Gerarrd Houlier for the decline of Big Emile) to knock to into the path of ickle Michael Owen to chase and then to score. A formula that worked, for a time and only to a certain extent.

Sven, honestly failed to deliver with a very talented squad, when it came to the crunch, in the big moments, he didnt have what it took to bring the national side through. Despite all his sexual conquests and natural charm............. well dude, he had to have something, surely it could not only have been wealth and a high profile that won over a string of beauties including...... Nancy D olivo, Her family own the olive oil company. And Eureka Johnson, named after a moment of clarity............... or not. And Faria Alam... who looked good in her white outift, twas a COLD day to be sure!!!!

(Not really a string of beauties..... just a string..particularily in Eurekas case)

Sven reminded me of Nosfuratu. But as he was often seen out during the day, he could not have been. But watch Bram Stokers Dracula... When you first see the Count(no not the one from sesame street) it will put Sven into your mind. Perhaps this is how he got the Tang(thats code word for a womens Narne).

Now, if you recall, in Bram Stokers Dracula, the count had a feeble minded stooge. A stooge who ate flies and asked questions of the stars, when he should have been concentrating on finding his lost marbles! Now, I am in no way likening Steve Mclaren to that guy! No. Not a bit! But life can be a lot like art! Anyway, freed from the accursed grip of his master the crazy dude(from Bram Stokers book, what would Bram be short for? Bramble? Like Titus? maybe!) may have found a way to live life and maybe work...

Steve Mclaren has managed to do what that guy didnt(the crazy guy) and survive his master! He too has gained control of the best position in the country if you want free poom-tang!! And he too has a squad filled with outrageous talent, maybe even more so than under Svennis(his full name). But Amazingly he has managed to get even less out of them, a feat to be marvelled at, to be sure!

I think this is why I dont want to feel the paion of England anymore, watching good players play bad is torture! He insists on playing Frank Lampard and the legendary STEVIE G in the same side, despite it being clear to all, even Mina(From Bram Stokers Dracula) that it doesnt work. It has worn my resistance down... I no longer watch England with any hope of seeing a decent game of football, unless the opposition do the business!

This weekend, those brave English lions have embarked on a new crusade, to take boring football to the holy land.

Will they suceed? It is foretold... they WILL SUCEED. Many fans will sleep. Many will curse the tout they paid over the odds to, to watch England, incoherent England, stumble about the field. BUT THEY WILLL SUCEED!!!!!!

I am sure that England will play bad football and do all they can to lose. And the only thing that will make this game exciting is if uefa have employed a referee and linesman from Hammas, which is unlikely, but if we can employ Nosfuratu, they can employ Hammas!