J-lo, what is her talent????

EASY PEEPS!!!!

Another installment of the blog no-one loves to hate!! or Hates to love, cos no-one reads it....

I have a big Question for you! J-Lo, Does she have talent? I am of the opinion that her wealth and fame are disproportionate to her talent! Its just my opinion....(Just in case I can be sued for having this opinion I would first of all like to distance myself from any comment that I make, I have been known to utter nonsense from time to time, so my opinion may not really be my opinion and just an elongated typo) By the way i would like to state in only my third peice that i am EXTEMELY opinionated, yeah, I Yak on and on about whats what. I think this, I think that and this is how it is.... well just to shut me up I have a comment to make, NEVER, NEVER NEVER take anyones word for anything, specially not mine, look at the facts for yourself and make your own mind up... Ask yourself why I am saying how little talent J-lo has..... is it cos I am jealous, is it cos she has a Butt I would love to bite but she wont let me????? Could be. Oh just to say that I have always been a fan of women with ample behinds!!!! not just since J-lo burst onto the scene with her onion booty.... DANG!!!!

In the monkey world, WHICH WE ARE DECENDED FROM, (I dont believe the Adam and Eve story for one moment! I mean, who has ever heard of a talking snake?????????????????) Asses are PRIZED!!! The lady Chimp with the largest booty is the one the guys want the most! And dont tell me I am the only one who has been sitting watching a pack of baboons stroll by and gotten a lil tingel in there tummy at the site of a big RED butt....... I know its not just me... then you add uncle David Attenbrough and his silky smooth voice.... wow... WOW!!!

I would marry j-lo TOMORROW if she painted her butt red and showed it to me in a drive by flashing... "I'm still Jenny from the Block...." playing as she rolls by........ I wouldnt even ask her to sign a pre nup... thats right I would marry her ass right there, in fact, I would go on TV and do it... go on something like Oprah, Nah maybe not Oprah(can I get sued for using Oprah's name.. if so I am just mis-spelling Opera....) Instead i would go on.......... not rikki lake...... the Ellen Degeneres show... She can invite on Ludacris and he can sing the song "move B*tch get out the way, get out the way, get out the way, MOVE B*Tch get out the way....." Ellen will do her man dance, the audience will dance... (by the way check out the audience, maybe 10 guys in a 500 strong audience???? Ellen is a sly one alright!!!!) Luda will go stand in the audience and dance too..."get out the way, get out the way.... move b*tch get out the way....(Can you tell I dont know the rest of these lyrics)

J-lo would be shaken that ass... I would too of course.... By the way... J-lo cant dance, you know the video where she finishs her job as a welder(???!!!???? PUH LEASE) then goes to an audition where she spends 3 minutes dodging bullets... watch that video with the sound off.. DODGING BULLETS!! Dont get me wrong, I LOVE that video!! but watch it with the sound orf, (cos she cant sing too good either!)

erm... oh yeah Luda..."move b*tch get out the way... get out the way" Im screaming at j-lo "SHAKE THAT MONEY MAKER!!!!!!" Which she does.. cos of course its her talent... her ass... anway.... near the end of the song J-lo pulls down her panties(remeber use your own imagination, not mine) and dips her booty into raspberry jam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOT DANG!!!!! H.O.T. D.A.N.G.!!!!!!! mmmmmm I prefer Syrup..... I would toss that salad... can I say that??? would I get sued for imagining all this??? i hope not, but like I said, it wasnt me......

Now ellen starts looking at j-lo too close, like I said a giant red butt is a universal turn on... so I tell her Move b*tch get out the way... which she does...

How many times has j-lo been married? 3 or 4?? well... i dont care... she will walk backwards down the aile, butt all red... and i will be standing proudly waiting for her...

Actually the only movie in which she was GOOD was "Out of site"... I went to see that with a girlfriend of mine(that means a friend who is a girl, yes I have plotonic friends who are women! It happens, and no that doesnt make me gay either) the best scene was when she took the call from George Clooney by the pool, her butt was at least 20 feet across... ooooooooooooohhhhhh... (it wasnt red tho)...

So we have established that, in my humble opinion(well, not humble at-all cos I am RIGHT) that J-lo isnt a great dancer, Not a great singer and not a good actor either... at best she is mediocre at all of the above. This leaves a great question, what is her talent??????????? sure she has got marketing skills, to have reached her level of fame with her level of talent takes some doing, BUTT even so it does not explain the impact she has had......

I think many of you have guessed the direction I am heading in right??? My theory is that her butt has been behind her success... if she didnt have that booty she would not have made it as big as she has, I am sure that there are some of you who will disagree, thinking she is gifted, if so please leave a post with some evidence to back your claim....... Butt for me it is clear, the ass is the key.....

Now i havent forgotten about the inevitable divorce... cos J-lo cant stayed married for long, even to me.... I have plans for that too... oh the wedding will be in hello magazine and the divorce in the national enquirer... then I will go on Oprah(Opera) and tell her how much it hurt me to see my women with another man, specially if she paints her butt again, I will have photos to remind me of the good times... you will see them in the sun and the enquirer... as for the pre nup which it will guarentee me $15million dollars and dont think that will be the last you will hear of me....

cos.... Whatever happens...


I tell you this much, I will get custody of her ass...

Dating... etc

Hey Folks... Well here comes me again with yet more nonsense that no one will read!!!!! Still I will continue as eventually the posts I put here will form my first novel... entitled... err... dunno that will come to me....

So dating is the subject today!!!

I have recently gone onto the internet, not to look for dates, to look for work, however, I happened upon a dating website. I logged on and started to rate the Honies on line. The first thing I noticed was how many of them looked like super models!!!! it really did get my juices going! I thought I may be dating Elle Macpherson real soon! But, and here comes the rub, it wasn actually a picture of the women I was talking to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Well.. whats the point of putting someone else's picture on there? I guessed it maybe because the people are probably not the best looking and so are afraid to put their own picture!!! Anway, I soon began to get pictures and messages from Russian women, all of whom seemed terribly sad and in need of caring, they painted a picture of Russian men that makes Vladmir Putin seem postively lovely and fluffy... Naturally being a caring fellow I wanted to help them thru their woes(it had nothing to do with wanting them to send me naked pictures, remember I did warn you that I often stray into the world of porn, within my mind anyway, use your imaginations if you would, mine is TOO explicit!) One lady in particular tugged hard at the strings of my very heart! I wont name her, just cos it wouldnt be nice, but we really did exchange some deep moments, she told me of her love of nature and the outdoors also of her hurt at the hands of mean men, I told her of my love of deep fried chicken and how I too had been hurt before, I said we all have. I told her how my last girlfriend had cheated on me with three guys, in my bed... now it wasnt true, that didnt happen but I felt sure it would help lets call here... um... Svetlana, get thru her hard times... slowly I realised that her mails were just general rambles that were not really specific. I started to shorten my mails and ask direct questions.


Sadly she turned out to be a scammer, heartless women who only want to take men for their monies! I had made plans to sell my home and move to Russia to be with My Svetty.. I had been taken in....

What has this all to do with dating? Well, why have we gotten to that state where men and women can no longer just sit down talk and learn wether or not they are suited? What has gone wrong? This is a post where I would like you the reader to inform me, so that maybe I can find a women who will treat me as I want to be treated!!! I dont want much, only to be treated as a King.. you know, feet cleaned, corns cut orf, back rubs, dinner on the table, complete control of the remote.... Most importantly... NO BACK TALK!!!!!

See i am just an old fashioned boy who wants only to have a docile women who knows her place...

Can anyone... ANYONE tell me where I am going wrong... answers on a post card, or better still as a comment....

anway I am about to write something sensible... Cos my book must have SOME sense in it!!!


Adios!!

Blog Virgin

Here it is... my very first Blog... OK this is not strictly true as I tried one before but forgot my user name and password... It is NOT a help!

What should one put on a Blog.. My thoughts? No, half of them are extremely pornographic and as such I may be prosecuted.... They involve Beyonce, J-lo and a Jar of Nutella... oh and some Bread sticks... I will say no more!!!! The other half and extremely banal... It leaves me in a difficult spot!

So I will go with a lil mix of both! To start with, you may wonder how I happened upon the Lilmoonbeam moniker, since, I am neither little nor a moonbeam. Maybe you Blog readers can tell me if such a thing even exists! I got the name from a really nice women at a place where I used to work, she was really pretty and had THICK thighs and and pert bottom(see here comes the semi porno images... luckily you cannot see them, but I would just like you to imagine them, so you can enjoy this Blog a lil more....If at all...) She said I was her lilmoonbeam, I dunno why but thought it was funny. At work we played an on-line game called gang wars and I thought it would be amusing, imagine being robbed by someone called lilmoonbeam!!!!! No gangsta could live it down. So quickly lilmoonbeam developed a reputation for being a hard lil MoFo with the FOULEST of mouths... I would leave messages that turned the net blue... people even mailed me back saying they thought I had over stepped the mark!!!!!!! Come on, if I just pimp-slapped your b*tch ass and stole your hoes, I gotta tell you what a punk your mother raised... thats the GANGSTA thing to do..... well I thought!! Anyway, word of Moony spread like wildfire.. big time gangs tried to recruit Beamer, but being a stubborn so and so he refused to join a gang, flying solo if you will.... One day tho, some of the big boys came to town, Lilmoonbeam was beat down, robbed then abused by the rotten assailants who took his hard earned Hoe's and Cash.....

A dream DASHED.......

This would not be the end of LILMOONBEAM tho, he rose like a Phoenix from the ashes, starting up his own gang, he sought revenge on his nemisi(is that the plural of nemisis? I dont think there is one, I am sure some kindly fellow can help me with that too...)....err where was I???? After several days of steroid abuse and buying illegal arms, guns not extra hands, Yes... the Moonbeam was ready... he found those punk b=tches that took his stuff, brought along the gang(The Sesame Street Warriors) and started a reign of terror the like of which had not been seen since Beadles about! Thousands died, millions were stolen and many harsh words were exchanged.... In the end, the SSW(Sesame Street Warriors) were the biggest gang in the WORLD... but retribution had taken a terrible toll... blood on the moon... a true horror unleashed...

Just as the world stood on the brink of succumbing to this blood thirsty gang of miscreants, the US on its knees, Kofi Anan begging for peace in our time......... the one month free trial ended......


DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is a moral to this tale, but I dont know what it is... maybe it is that you should not judge a fellow by his name, or that Sesame street really is a bad place(ask Dave Chappelle). But one thing is FOR SURE... Lilmoonbeam is on the map.....


Whams... Thanks for your time, please tell all your friends about the Moonbeam, tell them... Dont let tham go out there under prepared......

I will return with more nonsense, more bad spelling and awful punctation, very soon....

Thank you